6.5分整体不错，但表达不够地道

今天的题目是 远程学习与在校学习哪个好 ，这位同学最终得6.5分，老师的评价是 作文整体比较好，语法和论点基本都没有问题，注意某些短语和句子的表达可以更加地道，简洁。 来看看他是怎样写的吧~~
　　
　　Topic:
　　
　　Many people use distance-learning programmes (study material post, TV, Internet, etc.) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
　　
　　Composition:
　　
　　In this knowledge-based economy, distance-learning programmes are playing an increasingly significant role in high education, especially under the background of the rapid development of scientific technology. However, whether people should mainly receive education by distance-learning or attending college has caused heated debate. I hold the perspective that attending schools is more beneficial and profitable than distance-learning.
　　
　　First and Foremost, attending schools has a strong interactive atmosphere. It is conceivable that schooling involves face-to-face communication, which can more easily draw students attention. Besides, students confusion can be solved instantly and their feedbacks are conducive to enhance the teaching quality. As a consequence, this tends to create a virtuous circle. So receiving education in school has more advantages in terms of effects.
　　
　　Moreover, schooling can guarantee and promote study efficiency by keeping students working steadily all the time. For instance, learners lack enough abilities of[b1] self-discipline and self-control. If they learn English online, they are likely to distribute attention on[b2] various online advertisements or Internet games, rather than absorb themselves in language learning. While attending schools[b3] is more compulsory and limited, thus it can avoid such a phenomenon to some degree.
　　
　　Certainly, that is not to say that distance-learning programmes are of no value. Generally speaking, it is more flexible and convenient, as well as offers richer teaching resources. So it is more equal for most impoverished students. But it fails to guarantee the quality and efficiency.
　　
　　In a nutshell, traditional method of attending school has more advantages than distance-learning. Meanwhile, we should not overlook the value [b4] and impacts that distance-learning has. only by combining these two ways can we study better.